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Christian Bale Has More Fans Than Jake
Or at least that's how I'm rationalizing that Christian currently has 10% more of the popular vote than Jake in Entertainment Weekly's riveting Ultimate Male Hottie, 90's to Today Poll (rolls right off...
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Ask not what Jake Watch can do for you...
...ask what you can do for Jake Watch.Walk with me, Jake Watch.Do you see what I have done for you? I have recycled the somewhat (OK, completely) ridiculous schedule that I created for Jake's Zodiac...
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Gyllenhaal Tries To Appeal To The Gun-Toting and Elephant Humping Masses
America is a nation clearly divided. Any successful candidate needs to learn to diplomatically straddle the gaping er, gap, between liberal and conservative politics. But how does Jake Gyllenhaal,...
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Quote of the Week: Donkey Edition
"What do they say, the elephant and the donkey, right? Then Emily Dickinson says that hope is a thing with feathers. The elephant nor a donkey has feathers."- Jake "I See Beyond Political Stereotypes"...
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Jake To Star In "October Sky 2: Homer Colonizes the Moon"
Jake, my friend, I can't help but wonder just what the hell you are doing. According to Variety, you are set to star in a film in which, "Actioner (sic) revolves around a private expedition to the moon...
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Sometimes...
...we are blindsided by such a mind-blowing avalanche of Jake pictures, such an overwhelming visual cornucopia, such a devastatingly numbing array of new information, that we sit, shell-shocked, and...
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Friday Night with Jonathan Ross With Guest Star Jake Gyllenhaal As...
Pre-amble.Huzzah! Jake has arrived in London; city of cities and questionable Olympic infrastructure spenditure. And thank god he did arrive as it's kind of essential to tonight's post. Nice to see him...
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Quickie
1. There are more Jake interviews and articles popping up right now than we can possibly keep up with (it confuses us when there is more than one news item per month). Therefore, we remind you to keep...
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SHOWDOWN: Tonight on Letterman
My money's on the white guy.Is it 10:30, yet?10:26 - TV Announcer: "Dave's all new tonight with Jake Gyllenhaal and 50 Cent!" As if the magazine cover wasn't advertisement enough.10:30 - What? The news...
View ArticleThe Wheelie Bin Ate My Homework
Some people like to read their movie reviews in The Times, The Guardian or hell, even The Daily Mail (oh my god, did I actually try and make a British tabsheet newspaper gag? Yes! Yes I did!). Not me....
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Jake Gyllenhaal on Conan O'Brien (bitches!)
After perusing the Google searches that led people to Jake Watch over the past 24 hours, I decided to make the title of this post as Google-accessible as possible for the searchers of the next 24...
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Remember that time that Jake hosted The Daily Show?
Probably not, because it never happened, although my backlog of Photoshop files does suggest otherwise:Before we get started, I need to give a SERIOUS shout out to Danielle of the Sarsgaard Soiree and...
View ArticleWren Fish Vomiting On...I Don't Get It
Jake was on This Morning, er, This Morning. I didn't watch it, because I have a job.I also didn't watch it because Alison Hammond makes me want to gouge my eyes out with forks. Nothing personal. I just...
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So, got any plans this weekend?
Perhaps you'll go see a movie?Have fun! Come back and tell me how much you disagree with the review I wrote a month ago. (Although in my defense, Newsweek agreed with me.) And for those who have not...
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"Something about Gyllenhaal's intense yet dreamy and deadpan stare suits him...
I did not make up that headline, but in fact stole it verbatim from this article, which came with it's own intense-yet-dreamy-and-deadpan-stare Jake picture:Speaking of food (which we weren't), it's...
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Quote of the Week: Make It A Double
"We just did 'Into the Woods' at the family reunion. Peter [Sarsgaard] played the wolf, and I played Little Red Riding Hood. It's always really intense but really moving. . . . We all cry at the end....
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Purposeful Diversionary Tactic
Look! Over there!It's a Jake interview that we missed in all the commotion! Diversion is a method that Jake is good at, as witnessed by the fact that he responded, "I'd really like to direct someday"...
View Article"I would say the end is pretty seriously nigh."
I feel shitty for posting this now, as so many are still reacting to Jake's rather sudden plunge back into the world of Celebrity PDA. The post below is not in reaction to any one thing and has, in...
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Romagate
Now look, I know you're all talking about it down dark alleys and in disused warehouses but I really could not let another moment pass without addressing it here. I know, I know! We said we wouldn't...
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Boo!
I went to a Halloween party dressed as Jake this year...okay, when I say 'Jake', I really mean a 'battery-powered house that visually impaired me for the night'. I was going to go as a tube of Crest...
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Jake Takes the Loss of Jake Watch Hard
Tragically, though not unexpectedly, Jake Gyllenhaal has spent the past several days on a path of self-destruction, reeling from the news that Jake Watch will soon stop updating.Let's take a look at...
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Quote of the Week: All Hallow's Eve Edition
"That is how I see myself most of the time. A Crest toothpaste with bad eyesight."- Jake "I Really Do Say Some Crazy Shit" GyllenhaalsourceTo put this quote in context, it was preceded by the...
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Sock Watch: Infamy! Infamy! They've All Got It In For Me!
It brings me great sadness to draw a line under this legendary, nay, heroic blog feature. And as I push this small vessel of devotion, truth and odd obsession out into the oceans of web mythology, it...
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The Last Post
The complete archives are linked in the sidebar, but here are a few posts to get you started..."Welcome Fellow Stalkers" (April 3, 2006) - And britpopbaby said, "Let there be Jake Watch.""Quote Of The...
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Just kidding on that last one. THIS is the last post.
Remember when we told you Jake Watch was ending? And remember how we said, "The 'why?' of it all is very complicated, but perhaps to your surprise, one reason directly involves our biggest undertaking...
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